How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
