it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
