I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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