You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
