How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize