yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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