just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
