this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
