I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
