Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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