She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
