The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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