I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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