the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
