Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
