one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just invented taco cereal.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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