Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
