Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
