Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
