I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
