I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
