If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
