listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
