Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
