I wish i was in the wii world.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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