yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
