two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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