her vagine was all disorganized.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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