shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
