i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
