Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
