we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
