okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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