Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
