Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
