Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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