We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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