It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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