Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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