She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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