I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
