I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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