R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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