He kissed a someone with a penis
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
