Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
