She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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