Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am naked and annoyed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
