if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
