Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
