There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
