you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
