I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You are the jesus of drinking
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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