gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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