I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
