I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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