So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
