Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Enjoy the penises
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
