p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
