Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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