my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
