hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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