I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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