I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
