I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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