Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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