I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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