Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
