Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
These tits shall not be calmed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
