Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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