His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
