Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As shirtless as possible
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize