I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
