you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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