He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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