He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
