I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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