your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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